I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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