so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize