Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
