According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
