she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
