Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just found puke in my bra..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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