wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
