I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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