I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
