I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We were destined to go to rehab together
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
