that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
