I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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