He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
