I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
