Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.

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(719): View more from Colorado

physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.

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(240): View more from Maryland

this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.

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(510): View more from California

I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms

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(708): View more from Illinois

we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love

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(509): View more from Washington

I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.

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(207): View more from Maine

Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow

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(315): View more from New York

I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.

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