I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize