It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
