I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
