this just has baby written all over it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
