You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
