I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
