and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
