I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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