So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
