This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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