Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
