What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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