Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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