1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You were trust falling into bushes
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
