one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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