Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
