yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
