sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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