mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
