So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
