i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
