Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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