we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize