How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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