u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
