I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
