why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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