True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
