She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
