Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
