I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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