I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
