smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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