The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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