woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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