Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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