hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
