Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
