I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Actions speak louder than pants.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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