break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
