before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
