3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
one might say we're banned from that church
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need to calm my uterus...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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