Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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