She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
