There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
