I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
