Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
