I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
