apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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