he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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