before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
