I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize