it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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