i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
