nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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