Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
