i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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