There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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