If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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