i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
