he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
