Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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