that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
