She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
