All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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