I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
