Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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