The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
