I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
