just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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