Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
