just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize