You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
